Our Love, Our Fate
by Christyslsb
Summary: Clexa. Sometimes fate can change, despite all the odds. If you are brave enough to act, to overcome your weaknesses and fears, you will find happiness and you will live with a smile on your face. (Ratings may change in future chapters).
1. Chapter I

**Chapter I**

Everyone is gathered in the throne room waiting for the commander's decision. It has been a few days since the attack on the Coalition, except for a few people no one knows what happened exactly.

Titus is at Lexa's side as always, the only difference is that this time around he is particularly nervous. After a brief moment of hesitation, he speaks.

"Yours orders, Heda?"

Lexa turns to her right and looks at Clarke in search of guidance. The blonde is staring coldly at the man but when she feels Lexa's eyes on her she reciprocates the glare and her features slightly soften. The commander looks away and stares for a moment at the floor. Millions of images run through her mind about the past events, she wishes she could take a moment to talk with her predecessors one more time. She needs guidance and she doesn't want to fail as the leader of her people. She knows what she must do, yet she's conflicted.

 _I must show strength otherwise I will lose support from the Coalition and I can't have that. Not if I want to ensure peace and a brighter future for everyone._

She is still thinking about the events that led her here at this moment. She looks down at the ambassadors and the other people in the room, warriors, healers, commoners.

What if there was any other way? What if she wasn't the commander? What if she lived in a different world? What if she never met Clarke?

At that last internal question Lexa's mind goes to a specific memory from a few days prior in her chambers.

The commander is drying her hair after a quick bath, the day she just had really took a tool on her. She just had to take a break from Titus and everyone else. She doesn't hear the door open as she walks with her head down but when she looks up she finds that beautiful blonde her instinct is telling her to jump at her, not to attack but to hug her because she is so afraid she would leave her. Last time they talked Clarke had to choose if leaving Polis or not.

As soon as their eyes meet, Lexa knows, she can feel Clarke's heart suffering just as hers.

"I'm sorry." Clarke says without looking away from the brunette.

"Don't be." Lexa manages to say even if every cell in her body wants her to scream and tell her don't leave, stay with me. "You have to go back to your people." she feels her heart breaking little by little, she doesn't want this to happen. "That's why I.." she stumbles for a moment and sees how Clarke notices her hesitation. She swears she sees in the blonde's eyes hope.

The brunette doesn't finish her sentence, she remembers the words Titus said to her a few hours earlier, begging her to remember his teachings. _Love is weakness._ Is that really true? During the final battle against the Mountain Men she asked Clarke to come with her to the capitol, that Polis would have changed her mind about them. Lexa knows that if it was any another person and not the blonde she wouldn't have wanted that so bad. She knows that since the beginning she started developing feelings for her, at first it was pure admiration but then she started to realize it wasn't just that. Her feelings haven't changed a bit, she still wants the blonde with her in the city, especially after everything that happened. Yet, even if she is aware of her true feelings for the blonde, she doesn't find the strength and courage to tell them to her. She swallows her heart and speaks again with a broken smile.

"That's why you are you." the brunette sees Clarke's reaction and she wonders if she is a bit disappointed she hasn't expressed her real feelings.

 _To be commander is to be alone._

Titus' words echo in Lexa's mind but at the same time she remembers what Clarke has said to her that day at the camp in her tent: M _aybe life should be more than just surviving. Don't we deserve better than that?_

Lexa can't deny she feels the same way as the blonde, she knows they deserve to live a little without worrying about what the next move should be, whether or not one decision is the better one. After all, even if they're the leaders of their people and have a lot of responsibility they are still young women who deserve to be just that from time to time.

It is true, Titus has said that her feelings for Clarke put both of them in danger and the best decision should be letting the blonde to go home to Arkadia to be safe. She does care for the blonde, she really does but she is also feeling a bit selfish, she wishes she could stay with her and protect her.

"Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people." the blonde interrupts the silence between them.

"I hope so." and she really does. She just wants to reach peace among the Coalition so that she can take a breath and possibly be free to be with Clarke the way she wishes to. She knows that no matter what until she doesn't find a solution the blonde will be in danger that is why her major priority right now is to keep her safe. Even if that means they will be apart for now. With a pain in her chest she extends her arm to Clarke. _'This is it. Our farewell.'_ the commander feels the warmth of the blonde.

"May we meet again." there is no coming back. Her heart is breaking apart inside her chest, every fiber in her body is fighting against her mind to stay there and keep the blonde close. Lexa watches as a mix of emotions run through Clarke's face, her blue eyes on her lips she gets closer and kisses her. They don't need words they are sharing what needs to be said through that kiss. They're both crying, if Lexa had any doubts about Clarke's feelings about leaving her now she doesn't have them anymore. It is so clear how it is difficult for both of them. As they continue kissing each other they reach the bed, the brunette sits down on it and they separate for a moment just to looking at each other.

They don't know but they're both thinking the same thing: _Damn, I wish we could stay here forever, forget everything else._

Time doesn't stop, even if you are remembering something and you wish everything could just freeze for a moment.

Today, Lexa is being asked to make a big decision. She must choose to the fate of someone's life she cares deeply for. She's feeling betrayed, angry, disappointed but most importantly sad. She can't believe that someone who has spent their entire life watching over her, protecting her, guiding her, could do such a thing.

She is letting everyone wait for too long.

"Fleimkepa, Titus. You are banished from my lands." She can't end his life, even if she has every right to do so. She had talked a lot with Clarke and even with Titus himself. What he has done is terrible and a huge betrayal on the Coalition and he is in favour of having his life taken. "Until another Fleimkepa is found, your banishment will be put in hold and you will be a prisoner in Polis."

There is shock in the room, no one knew the responsible for attempting at Wanheda and Heda's life. Until now.

"You served the Coalition well, you deserve to put your business in order and to say your goodbyes. You will live the rest of your life with the burden of having almost killed the Coalition while you were claiming to be saving it."

Titus closes his eyes and Lexa notices it, she knows he wishes she would change her mind, but she won't. The decision is made, and he has to live with it. Literally.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note:** Hello everyone!_

 _I've finally decided to write this story, it's been on my mind for a while now and here it is! It won't be too long._

 _I wanted to write something to celebrate Lexa, since she was very important to me (and to the community) a lot. It's also thanks to her that I got closer to get my degree. (I choose her as the topic of one of my project for one of the last exams I had to take.)_

 _If you're interested it is based by a fanvideo I made, if you want to check it out on my youtube channel Kryptolella: What if.. - Clexa_

 _Sorry for the eventual mistakes, if there are any, please send them to me and I'll correct them as soon as possible._

 _Please, let me know what you think. I do hope you'll enjoy it._

 _Christy_


	2. Chapter II

**Chapter II**

Lexa is sitting on her throne, she is left alone with only her memories. She feels a lot gray at the moment: she knows Titus since she was training for her conclave and still she is in shock. She hasn't even fully healed but she had to show strength to her people.

Her eyes close and she takes a deep breath.

Only a few days ago her life almost ended and she can't help but think about that day.

Lexa is still in her room after Clarke left her to finish her preparation for her trip back to Arkadia. She is about to go to the kitchen and take something to drink when she hears shots coming from Clarke's chambers. She runs to the blonde in fear for her safety, she could swear she has heard Titus voice. The door is already open and everything happens in an instant: suddenly she feels warm on her stomach and all she can hear is Clarke's voice calling her name in shock and fear. The commander looks down at her hand and sees her blood, black as night, she looks at Clarke, both of them terrified. While she collapses on the floor she hears Titus' voice in her head.

 _"Everything you do elevates her, why?"_

 _"Clarke elevates herself, she's special."_

 _"Your special, Heda."_

She is remembering their first kiss, how Clarke said she wasn't ready yet and she felt so naive. She thinks about that time when she injured her shoulder while the two girls were running away from Pauna and Clarke helped her. How can she forget the night spent under the sky watching over the blonde after leaving behind the giant gorilla? That was the moment when she realized how special Clarke was to her. Clarke has never thought love is weakness and she proved it so many times that she managed to change Lexa's mind. The blonde always put her people first and even if sometimes she acts accordingly to her heart and not her head, she manages to do always the right thing. The love and care for her people, drives her to do her best in the most efficient way.

The brunette still feels the blonde's lips on hers, she wishes this isn't happening and their still in her bed. ' _This is just a bad dream. I'm still relaxing with Clarke.'_

"Help me get her in bed!" Clarke yells at Titus.

"What have I done?!" Titus screams in total shock.

"I need something to stop the bleeding!" the blonde commands the man and she immediately puts her hands on Lexa's injury. "You'll be okay, just lie still. Lie still, okay? Lie still."

The brunette cups with her hand Clarke's ones and she looks up to her.

"Don't be afraid."

Funny how your mind works sometimes, telling these words to the blonde reminds Lexa about a similar conversation they had while facing Pauna.

 _"Don't be afraid Clarke, death is not the end."_

Lexa doesn't know how it will end, she's losing a lot of blood and she's slowly fading and she keeps switching between memories and reality.

She manages to speak with Titus telling him to never again attempt on Clarke's life, if these are her last moments she must know that the blonde will be safe and sound.

The younger girl seems to have catched up on what they said, because immediately she get closer to Lexa with that way of hers: full of confidence and authority.

"Ehi, don't you dare give up on me."

"I'm not.. my spirit will find-"

"No. I'm not letting you die." Clarke tells her with a mix of confidence and a bit of worry.

"There's nothing you can do now. The next commander will protect you." Lexa says with that little breath she still has and trying to fix her eyes on her beloved.

"I don't want the next commander. I want you." the blonde confesses while she fights back tears. The brunette closes momentarily her eyes.

 _"We are not dying here. I need your spirit to stay where it is."_

 _"Then get ready to fight."_

Those words could not be more appropriate, right now they're not fighting against Pauna but against time.

And time seems to have run out on Lexa.

The commander opens her eyes as she hears the door opens and finds Clarke walking in the throne room towards her.

"Clarke?"

"Ehi, are you okay?" the blonde says worried. She kneels down next to her and puts her hand on her leg. "Today was a difficult one, you should be resting, you know?"

"I know. I will. I just needed to do it. They need to see me strong." Lexa sighs and brings her hand to the stomach, under her clothes and armor there's the bandage which clearly needs to be changed. Clarke watches how she grimaces at her own touch over the wound.

"Come on, let's go change the dressing." she helps the brunette and they walk together to Lexa's chambers. There are some extra guards around the tower in these days for a better security, by Indra's orders, she is feeling a bit guilty for what happened to Heda since she was resting from her own injury. As always, the warriors don't dare to look at the commander as she walks by, but they can't help to watch Wanheda instead, who is always at the brunette sides and you can tell they are glad she is. After all, she is the one who saved her life, if it wasn't for her today at the tower they would be working on funeral's arrangements instead of just having a normal day.

Once inside Lexa let Clarke help her taking off her armor and as soon as it is off, she lies on the bed and let the blonde take care of her. She gently pulls up her shirt and narrows her eyebrows.

"I told you, you should have waited. Look at that, I think you ripped off your stitches." she says as she starts cutting off the now black dressing. Lexa is aware of Clarke's feelings, they've talked a lot in the past days. The blonde feels guilty, as many others, because Titus was aiming at her not at someone else, she knew she was putting at risk the commander's life and leadership by staying there, that was why she has decided to leave Polis, even if she wanted differently. Now, the situation is a bit different. She has been requested to stay with Lexa until she recovers, she's the only Skaikru member inside Polis, even if Octavia has been granted privileges to come and go between Arkadia and the tower: she has the job to keep the brunette and Indra up to date about the situation with the thirteenth clan. It's been only a few days but words of the accident spread to Arkadia too and Abby had tried to get a meeting with Lexa various times now.

"Abby still wants to see you to check on your progresses." Clarke informs the brunette while she removes and replaces new stitches.

"Doesn't she trust her daughter's skills?" Lexa says while she grins her teeth.

"She does but I think she wants to make sure you and I are both okay." the commander knows this is the truth: Abby wants to see her daughter, after all she hasn't had the chance to stay with her that much after she came back. She relates to her but she's waiting on granting her the permission to come to Polis for two reasons: one, Skaikru can't be seen outside their camp; two, she wants Clarke all by herself as much as possible.

Lexa smiles when Clarke looks up to her after finishing dressing the wound.

"What?" the blonde asks curiously.

"Nothing, I'm just glad you're here."


End file.
